Glenn Beck interview with Astro.
GB: Welcome back to the Glenn Beck program! By now most of you have decided to order from our on-line store the new book called Stupid Human Pet Tricks. Written by the worlds most foremost expert on Human/robot relations, my stubby crayon chewing friend across from my seat, Astro Tenma.
AB: Those crayons are very tasty by the way.
GB: Now we asked your arch rival Atlas to be here and he wrote back to us this
Finally! I have Astro eating his words about his misplaced and overly buoyant confidence in humans. I am pleased at long last to have been proven right and hope that soon Astro will agree with me that humans created us robots to both assure their continue evolution and provide for the well being and safe guarding of the planet Earth.
GB: So is he right?
AB: (Laughing) If he wants to call un-flushed toilets a validation of his temper tantrums, go right ahead hot stuff.
GB: I read through the first two chapters of your book so far. My daughter cant stop laughing herself silly. You really mean this as more of a comedic assault on things we humans tend to mess up than as an indictment against us right?
AB: Well .the first half of the book. After being around for almost ten years and getting used to humans I thought they needed a little reminder that they need a little more evolutionary prodding I mean a species that can get to the moon, perfect the computer, design robots and yet still cant flush a toilet or better yet tries to weld a chain to a hand grenade? Come on.
GB: A chain to a hand grenade?
AB: Yeah. Some human tried that in Croatia, thought it would be the perfect chimney cleaning tool. Obviously the grenade won out.
GB: But you robots arent exactly models of perfection, I mean come on.
AB: We were built by humans, what do you expect? But we do have a shave advantage with the common sense thing .some times on good days when its not cold out ok, part of the time.
GB: I have to admit though, some of what youve found about humans is downright scary to me. The drunk driver story for one thing.
AB: Yeah had his 4-year old daughter in the car and disabled the protection systems in his vehicle because he called them a nuisance. That was the first time I felt a real honest emotional rage and the more I looked into that problem, the more upset I became over it. The numbers I show in the book are real statistics, humans still drive intoxicated despite everything others have done to stop it. Honestly you can understand why Atlas acts as he does when hes given so many excuses for it.
GB: Which is why he sounds as if hed embrace an all encompassing nanny state right?
AB: He can scream about that till he burns up, if he had his way every human wouldnt be touching a spoon and have to live in hamster balls watching Smurfs all day long. Then there wouldnt be any more robots, I couldnt get in trouble with my human school buddies and wed run out of ice cream and Ill end up kicking his stupid metal butt all over New Shinjuku.
GB: Do you really thing in some cases that maybe we humans need a little padded cell to keep our hands and minds from wandering?
AB: Yes can you even justify torturing kids with Barney the Dinosaur? I watched one episode for only five minutes and dumped my head in sink water to escape my little sisters singing of the I love you song. I think the creator of Barney should be tried for violating the Geneva Convention.
GB: Lets go back to Atlas. In the book you say you dont hate each other as people have seen it, I mean you two really dont throw fist-fights all the time when you meet right?
AB: He throws all the fists Glenn mostly when I call him a stupid, tin can brained knucklehead. No we dont fight all the time, actually hes been more willing to talk to me lately if you can stand three hours worth of selfish monolog. But Atlas truly believes in his heart that humans shouldnt be allowed off a short leash for anything, he has a one-planet, one-chance mentality and you really cant fault him for wanting to protect this planet from human screw ups. The problem is, risk is part of whats made humans so successful, you cant remove the risk factor and expect progress in anything and I know humans well enough that you cant keep them in a seat for five minutes before they decide to go ape-crazy.
AB: Besides .we robots take advantage of the free entertainment humans provide every day. I dont want my favorite comedy series cancel stamped, you get me Atlas? Hands off!
GB: Its been great having you on Astro. Did you at least leave me the sunny red crayon?
AB: You want it back?
GB: ahhh ..no.
