Lack of empathy

[crazyd2000]

Today on the bus ride home (for newer members, I'm in 7th grade, if you didn't know.), Some people were picking on my friend ben. Ben is a little overweight, talks in stutters and is a little flat in the voice, a little nerdy, and a little odd. eventually ben got so angry he started to puch one 8th grade girl who was particuarly nasty to him. Everyone laughed at him and teased him. He was sobbing the entire time. Eventually, I stood up and yelled to everyone "Dosen't anyone here have a heart?!? youve all been the crying kid with everyone laughing sometime or another, why cant you share a thought, a drop of empathy, for him. about 2 kids listened. in the next few minutes, I was able to restore calm to the bus, and stop my friends sobbing, and even made him laugh a little (the kids who were causing him grief were off the bus, so we could make fun of them to get ben to settle down) I tried to act cheerful, but I am now really really really pissed off. It seems that friendly people are rapidly dissipearing.

[Astro Forever]

I don't think any adult would find acceptable to be treated like this on his way to work or at work. I don't know why these problems aren't taken more seriously, they are so common. It's as if because children are involved, these are just little problems, but it's not true, the suffering is huge. I wish parents would teach their children, I wish schools would do more to prevent these problems. I really feel for your friend.

You did the right thing and I'm so proud of you. I know it's not easy at your age, when everyone wants to be accepted. You may not be the only one who feel that way but for many it's so much more easier to follow the group. Some of them will probably wish they had done what you did today. Our society would be so much better if more people would take you as an example.

[Latu]

And it just hit me....

"A flame of passion exists in us that can brighten even the darkest future.

But this flame can also burn out, leaving an empty void.
Humans are lost.
Alone, they struggle in the darkness, and hurt themselves in fear.
They don't know where they came from or where they're going.
... They need a friend.
A friend who can help support them in this darkness.
So I've decided to create a guide for us. Stronger than any man or robot."


"What's its name?"

"Astro... That's his name.
A star that shines above us to guide us all.
He will stand by our side at all times.
No matter how weak we become.
He'll always be with you."

"OK, dad! I'll be with Astro wherever I go! I will be with him wherever I go."

"Tobio, can you see him? It's Astro.
Astro's here.
Astro, you must exceed the limitations that humans cannot!
You must be go beyond nationality, ethnicity,
pilosophy, and religion,
starvation and poverty,
and war!
Exceed these limitations created by man!
You must fly high! Higher than any human has ever flown before!
To reach for the future that no human has been able to so far!"

-Dr. Tenma

[Fauna]

I had a very impressive, long post going, but I went to submit and the system logged me out.

Long story short, bullying has affected me the same way Tobio's death affected Tenma: first something horrible, a lot of crying, and then imsanity.

I want you to tell a teacher, CrazyD2000. Teachers would not believe me that eighth & 7th graders were sneaking out to steal the swings, nor that they had organized branches of tormenting me. They even tried to make my brother join them. (He didn't, though. He's the Tails to my Sonic, so it was a real insult that they would try.) If they don't listen, go straight to the principal. And if THAT doesn't work (I've been there) go to your/his parents.

I refuse to let any child endure what I did throughout 5th-7th grade.

[jeffbert]

I was the oddity in public school from 2nd grade through 9th. I guess the 10th graders were just no longer amused by tormenting the oddity. But I had been devastated, and even alienated by the years of torment. I had been teased about the way I walked, ran, the fact that I wore glasses, & even about my name. As a result, I hated absolutely everything about myself, the color of my hair, eyes, skin, and even my name.

However, that would not have happened had I not rewarded their taunts with weeping and wailing; for, in the absence of the desired result, they would have ceased the torment--or so I am told. Still, it is asking too much to expect a little kid to abstain from crying under those circumstances.

[fafner]

I would have myself many stories such as yours, crazyd2000. As an example, at the same age as you, I was kicked repeatedly and thrown to the ground by a kid for a reason I could never understand, and left crying without anybody to pay attention. A teacher finally comforted me (and did a good job I must say), but didn't fix the main problem. The fact is that I am not overweight, don't have difficulty walking, nothing notable, maybe with the exception of strange behaviors sometimes. As jeffbert said, in a way I fuelled myself the whole thing by gratifying the bullies with my weepings.
As a kid, I had been told that the best way to react was to simply ignore them, or even laugh at them, but it is difficult for a kid to understand that. I couldn't understand how it would prevent them from acting, because in fact I didn't understand the reasons for them acting this way. No one bothered to explain me why it was the best thing to do (or maybe no one managed to explain it to me). Now that I think I have understood, I will try to explain it. Maybe it will sound a little arrogant, maybe even look like wishful thinking, but I'll try anyway...
After years trying to think like the bullies, I finally concluded that the only thing that can motivate such acts is the willingness to prove one's own existence. By causing grief to someone, you feel that you have a power on this person, the power to decide when this person will be glad or sad. Terribly weak-minded way for someone to assert one's own existence I would say. Of course, I see that by the imperfect window of my mind, and the idea may simply be completely flawed, but still it explains very well why not reacting to the bullying would work: no weeping, no reward, no proof of existence for the bully
Maybe the best thing to do is to think that the one who is in a desperate mental situation is not the bullied, but the bully. Think that strongly, look the bully deep in the eyes, no anger, no joy, no pity, no condescendence, only a kind of understanding gaze, and the result may be surprising: "I understand how ill-minded you are. You have my sympathy.". Don't say it, only think it. I never had the occasion to test that, as at the moment when I concluded about that I was already late in my university years; thus the usual disclaimer: it may or may not work, use at your own risks
However, a conclusion on what I would call "kind teasing", when someone teases someone else in a way that it doesn't hurt, yielded interesting results that allowed me for more balanced teasings. While during my years at the university I was often targeted by this kind of teasing, even though I didn't suffer from it, I realized that my overreaction, even for fun, drew more of them. Today, when targeted in such a way, I usually only throw a bare glance, such as "keep talking for nothing", then maybe I calmly strike back Sometimes I may react immediately and say something like "ya talkin' to me?!" :d evil: Or I may simply laugh "Yeah right... is there even a chance I would believe that you installed Vista on my computer when I was on vacations?" Mileage may vary. More fun to everyone

[jeffbert]

I remember a big ugly kid whom I would compare to Shibugaki/Dinny/Alvin/Abercrombie. One day (we were in mid teens by then) he was in the wrong place when another kid was on a swing that was attached about 40 feet high. the swing came down from that height with a teenager on it & smack big ugly in the face. Afterr the surgury, he was even uglier, and resembled a downs syndrome case. Out of the blue he said "you better not say anything about my face," & rigth then, I realized that that was exactly what I wanted to do. Now, I realize that perhaps he was cruel as a defensive mechanism, hoping to head-off others' cruelty to him. He was the youngest of 3 or 4 boys in his family, & probably took a lot of **** from his elder brothers.

Still, that does nothing to explain why the others were cruel.

[Fauna]

Our school, albeit a Catholic school, was quite loose with its recess supervision rules. The only teachers that were out were ones looking for mentally-challenged kids (and they never gave a crap) and the occasional real teacher who was fooled by a bully's mask of friendliness.
I can still recite the names of the main three boys that tormented me.
One boy led a gang-like group who insisted on calling me "Fitzgerald", attempted to recruit my little brother and they screamed at me.
The next boy tried to push me over a few times, but I reported him a day before his class's field trip (which got him kicked off the trip) and he threatened to kill me. I avoided him, plus, a teacher heard his threat and punished him further.
The last boy, who I only remember as "John", was the leader of it all. Apparently, he was at another school for 7th grade, so he showed his friends he was cool by leading in-school gangs. He would sometimes try to bring me to his class or invite me over, which disturbed me then, but looking back I realize he may have intended to sexually assault me. I was smart and got away any time he tried to do anything.
What atonement did I recieve? A letter. a single, sucky letter that explained John's intentions. I don't think he even wrote it. In a moment that I will recall for the rest of my life, I read the letter, crumbled it, dropped it in a trash can and did not look back.
I ran into the other boys at my eighth grade baseball game. They said nothing to me, thus prompting me to believe they were only under the control of John. It still makes me sick to think that no teacher would believe me, and many times I was punished for hitting any of the 65 older kids, and all I got was a piece of paper.

Then again, in that time, I took up cartooning. It may have very well been the only thing keeping me alive.

I've got another bullying story - this time, it was in my own grade, and I may have been on the bully's side. I may summarize it later.

[Latu]

Well, if you have a I don't give a crap attitude, I don't think anyone would bother bullying since they gain nothing from it. I haven't seen anyone being bullyed in a long while though.

[Jimmy-astro-fan]

Oh boy, now it's my Turn to share a Bully story.

Let me tell you, i have been in the EXACT place you're friend Ben is in. I still am, acctualy... I've heard it all. Fatso... Moron... Retard... Freak... Emo... A Wast of Space... So much so it's had a VERY negative effect on me. That effect is i am practicly TERRIFIED to go anywhere, almost. Im always worried that someone on the street, for no reason, will point and Laugh at me, or, worse yet, stare at me like im a Beast. And around in my Villige, it does. My Self Esteam is at an All Time Low. I never belive any of my Song's sound very good... I never belive i can Draw very well... I cannot stare in the Mirror without thinking i look Disgraceful... And worse still, i am worried that im slowly loosing my Sainity. I know it sounds INCREDIBLY Stupid to say such a thing, but i truely am. I can't take much more of the Bullying myself. But, even as bad as it is now, it was worse during my elementry/ Primery School years... let me explain.

For reason's i cannot quite remember, i had developed a Habit of Taking Straws with me anywhere i went. Don't even ASK ME why i did, but as you can tell, people say this the wrong and made Acusations... I was Tormented for carrying them, accuses of being obbsessed and Mentally derranged... And not by just Students either.

Im going to type out a name. A name that forever fills me with anger.

Mrs. Duggon.

She was my year 3 and 4/ 3rd and 4th Grade Teacher, and boy oh boy, she should NOT have been a teacher. AT ALL. She bullied the HELL out of me like no-one else ever has. Yet. Because of my Straw Tendencey's, she often Played on that and only made thing's worse. But i shall only talk about the worst... It was the last day of my 4th year at Primery/Elementry school, during the Awards ceramony. It was Mrs. Duggon's turn to give out the awards and, no suprises here, gave me an Award. What for? Well, i shall quote Her on this one-

"My last Awards goes to Jimmy Theed... For keeping my Plastics Box filled all year Around."

And, to my Utter Shock and Horror </sarcasm>, EVERYONE in the entire hall Laughed at me. Pointed, chanted, as they always Did. And the rest of the Teachers did, pardon my french, **** ALL to stop it.

And people wonder why my self esteam is so bloody low.

Im sorry for ranting and putting you all through reading that, but i just felt like it neaded to be said. It's true what they say- Bullying isn't always the Fault of the Studants at schools...