Iron Man 2: IQ Reduction Guaranteed!
Posted: Mon May 17, 2010 8:14 pm
It's a review! Run away now while you still have the chance!
Iron Man 2 - a movie that has been hyped over on IGN since last year, finally releases and...shows itself to be just plain painful. *is shot*
But seriously, everyone has their own tastes and whatever, but this film was just boring and...ugh, it's like watching Rachel Ray make a sandwich whilst spitting out witty comebacks and firing lasers at Russians.
In fact, that's exactly what happened, except make the sandwich a new element that was created by (not joking) making a computer generated model of a diorama their father made.
Okay, so I'm completely unbiased when it comes to the Iron Man franchise. I've never read the comics, but I don't hate it either. I'm judging this film on exactly what it is - a film. And as a film, it has this to show:
Positives:
1. Special Effects - they look great, but must be camera shy as they are rare.
2. Dialogue - The witty comebacks are pretty funny. Some memorable lines.
3. Samuel L Jackson - And he has an eye patch! This movie just got 10% better!
And, those lovable Negatives:
1. No connection - Seriously, this movie has nothing to do with the first one. Wha?
2. Stale acting - Half of the people you see ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING. When they are, it's for maybe a few minutes or its a CG version. The dialogue is good, but most of the people speaking have little to no heart behind it.
3. CORNY - as a corn dog. And not the funny corny like the Joker - the redundant kind. Either that, or it just doesn't make sense.
4. Antagonistic Agony - The one real antagonist in this movie and he gets little to no development. Not to mention, he kinda shot out of left field. Yeah, his moves are cool, but his only real crowning moment of awesome is when he's flicking around his electric jump ropes on the race track. The ending was just plain awful. Speaking of which...
5. BAD ENDING! BAD! Get back in your hole! - What a horrible ending. No, seriously - I've played Sonic games with better endings. (don't kill me) Usually, when you have to end a movie quickly, you don't want to show it. Here, they have made it obvious for your convenience. It's like they said, "The movie is already 2 hours long, so let's condense the third hour into 10 minutes." Utter crap.
Last but not least-
6. Hey - Where did the plot go? - Did it go on strike, too? Really now, it goes from crazy Russian seeking vengeance, to media whores, to secretary love triangle, to slow death by poison, to finding new element to reverse said death by poison, to the military stealing suits, to the crazy Russian again, and then it ends.
WHUUUUT?
But seriously, this movie was sub par. Yet another example of all the good parts being shown in the commercial.
Oh yeah, you know that part in the commercial when he jumps out of the plane saying "You complete me"? Never happened. Really - it was nowhere in the movie.
Seriously, the highlight of seeing Iron Man 2 was getting to see the trailer for Super 8 on the big screen. (DO WANT!)
You're better off saving those dollars for something with more special effects, like Prince of Persia. (Hey, we all know it's going to suck, but will it be any worse than...this? I think not.)
Either rent it when it gets the DVD launch or skip it. Wait for Iron Man 3. -_- It probably won't have anything to do with this movie anyway.
-
(Please, if you've seen the movie, post what you thought of it.)
Iron Man 2 - a movie that has been hyped over on IGN since last year, finally releases and...shows itself to be just plain painful. *is shot*
But seriously, everyone has their own tastes and whatever, but this film was just boring and...ugh, it's like watching Rachel Ray make a sandwich whilst spitting out witty comebacks and firing lasers at Russians.
In fact, that's exactly what happened, except make the sandwich a new element that was created by (not joking) making a computer generated model of a diorama their father made.
Okay, so I'm completely unbiased when it comes to the Iron Man franchise. I've never read the comics, but I don't hate it either. I'm judging this film on exactly what it is - a film. And as a film, it has this to show:
Positives:
1. Special Effects - they look great, but must be camera shy as they are rare.
2. Dialogue - The witty comebacks are pretty funny. Some memorable lines.
3. Samuel L Jackson - And he has an eye patch! This movie just got 10% better!
And, those lovable Negatives:
1. No connection - Seriously, this movie has nothing to do with the first one. Wha?
2. Stale acting - Half of the people you see ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING. When they are, it's for maybe a few minutes or its a CG version. The dialogue is good, but most of the people speaking have little to no heart behind it.
3. CORNY - as a corn dog. And not the funny corny like the Joker - the redundant kind. Either that, or it just doesn't make sense.
4. Antagonistic Agony - The one real antagonist in this movie and he gets little to no development. Not to mention, he kinda shot out of left field. Yeah, his moves are cool, but his only real crowning moment of awesome is when he's flicking around his electric jump ropes on the race track. The ending was just plain awful. Speaking of which...
5. BAD ENDING! BAD! Get back in your hole! - What a horrible ending. No, seriously - I've played Sonic games with better endings. (don't kill me) Usually, when you have to end a movie quickly, you don't want to show it. Here, they have made it obvious for your convenience. It's like they said, "The movie is already 2 hours long, so let's condense the third hour into 10 minutes." Utter crap.
Last but not least-
6. Hey - Where did the plot go? - Did it go on strike, too? Really now, it goes from crazy Russian seeking vengeance, to media whores, to secretary love triangle, to slow death by poison, to finding new element to reverse said death by poison, to the military stealing suits, to the crazy Russian again, and then it ends.
WHUUUUT?
But seriously, this movie was sub par. Yet another example of all the good parts being shown in the commercial.
Oh yeah, you know that part in the commercial when he jumps out of the plane saying "You complete me"? Never happened. Really - it was nowhere in the movie.
Seriously, the highlight of seeing Iron Man 2 was getting to see the trailer for Super 8 on the big screen. (DO WANT!)
You're better off saving those dollars for something with more special effects, like Prince of Persia. (Hey, we all know it's going to suck, but will it be any worse than...this? I think not.)
Either rent it when it gets the DVD launch or skip it. Wait for Iron Man 3. -_- It probably won't have anything to do with this movie anyway.
-
(Please, if you've seen the movie, post what you thought of it.)