My dad is in jail

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Anime Girl
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My dad is in jail

Postby Anime Girl » 5 years ago

Hey guys. I know I haven't been on here in awhile, but I need some people to turn to. So, Wednesday on the 13th, my dad got arrested. I don't wanna get into details about what went on, but he had made some stupid decisions after he retired last November, decisions he kept secret from us. Please don't ask what he did, I'd rather not say. I will tell you it had nothing to do with me or my siblings, we weren't harmed in any way (other than the fact he got arrested for it). I'm broken up. Mom's pissed. So far, none of my sibling's friends knew, except for a few close ones they told, but that's good because I was worried that people in class would be mean to them after all this crap happened (I always worry about Sis and Jay bringing bullied since I was a victim). I hate staying at the house though. I hated it before since Mom's boyfriend is pretty mean/blunt to me, and I hate it even more now. It's hard to explain, but I feel like there's "bad air" in the house from all this tension. I've been hanging out with friends lately, and my boyfriend, so at least I can get outta the house. It just sucks because Dad would use to take us to Taco Bell every Saturday. The Saturday before he got arrested, Dad had ordered me a vintage Sailor Jupiter plush from Japan on eBay (there was a seller selling those things dirt cheap!), but it's taking awhile to get here due to it being from Japan and going through customs and crap. I want it more than ever now.

I'll let you know right now, I still love my dad. I won't ever hate him. He did a bad thing, made stupid decisions, but I don't think he's a bad person. Still, what he did wasn't legal and pretty serious. It's sad thinking about the fun memories we had. He introduced me to Astro Boy, or anime in general, as a child. He always tried to give us fun Christmas and birthdays even after the separation. He was there when I needed him. It's sad now though. Now we can never do trips to Taco Bell on Saturday again. He won't get to give me away on my wedding day. He'll miss Sis' graduation. He can't take us to Colossalcon this year (that's an anime convention). It really really sucks ass!
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Astro Forever
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Postby Astro Forever » 5 years ago

Hi Anime Girl,

I was sorry to read this. That must be a very difficult situation to deal with. You seem to have a good perspective: yes, your dad made stupid decisions, but he is still your dad and of course you have every right to love him. I imagine that his loved ones letting him down wouldn't exactly help him get back on the right track anyway.

This is a huge loss for you, and it's very recent, so it'll take time to adjust. Your instincts are good - try to get out of the house, reaching for your friends and boyfriend. I understand what you mean about feeling like there's "bad air" in the house, as I've experienced the same thing at times in my life, even though it was for different reasons. This is very tiring.

Recently, I've learned that there were support groups around where I live for people who had a family member in jail. I imagine there must be similar ones in the US as well. I think your reaction is completely normal, but should you eventually feel the need to speak to people who are going through the same thing, perhaps that's something you might want to keep in mind.

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Anime Girl
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Postby Anime Girl » 5 years ago

Okay. Thank you. I'm just having a tough time in general before this mess happened, I was feeling depressed as it is, and mom's boyfriend being mean to me. I've been researching, and I wanna say Dave is being emotionally abusive, but he only seems to be that way with me. I need some sort of miracle to be able to move outta the house quickly, I wanted to win the damn Powerball, but no I guess not! Mom wants me to be strong, but it's hard to when Dave is making me hate myself. I don't like thinking like this, but I honestly wish Dave was arrested instead of Daddy. I shouldn't have to live with a bully! And yes, I try to ask Mom for help, but she either finds some way he's in the right (when he's not), or just says "stop I don't wanna deal with this". My parents are a joke, and not even the good kind!
You're not a joke, you fit right in!
So shake it off, and give a grin. Don't be afraid to stand your ground! Crazy, noisy BIZARRE Town!

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jeffbert
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Postby jeffbert » 5 years ago

I can relate to that, Anime Girl, sometimes it seems that my mom simply dismisses what I say. The kid can never be right, if that means mom is wrong. BTW, I am 57; it does not necessarily end when one becomes an adult. :heart:
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Earthshine
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Postby Earthshine » 5 years ago

I am so sorry to hear that all of this is happening to you now at an already awkward and hard time of your life. Having the issues with your mother is also something that I can relate to, and it is really hurtful and maddening.

What your stepfather is doing is not okay, at all, and it's not okay for your mother to simply side with him to avoid conflict, that's not okay either. The best thing I can tell you is hang on, be strong, if you want to try and repair that bad air maybe write a letter to your mother (and only) her and remind her how much you do love her and how much you are hurting and how Dave is hurting you emotionally and say how it is not fair, and how it makes you feel when she blindly agrees with him (but not in an accusing way). But only do so much as you are willing to.

Doing this CAN be a risk and all sorts of things can happen in response (things can get worse) things can remain the same or she may be a little more receptive to all of it. I cannot possibly say what could happen because I don't know her, or you, or the situation. However I do know that usually if there is some sort of problem in ANY relationship coming out and communicating about it is usually the wisest step (usually).

The psyche of a parent is very unique and emotional abuse or neglect from an emotionally absent or distant parent can be the most insidious and hurtful. My fiance's mother is emotionally absent to the point where she DENIES that she was ever abusive to her children, and denies a lot of things about herself when it is plainly obvious she knows, she knows.

Things are hard, they are really really hard, but stay strong. Astro Forever is right in that your instincts are probably correct, trust them. Getting out of the house just may be the BEST solution over all. Maybe see if your boyfriend will be willing to let you live with him, or talk to a friend, if you are in college perhaps see if you can get a dorm room or see if you can rent with someone. Do you have any other family that may be willing to house you for a while?

I know how it can be living in a toxic environment that just won't change no matter what you do, when it gets to that it is just best to leave. Your emotional health is more important.

MightyAstro
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Postby MightyAstro » 5 years ago

My deepest sympathies. I hope when your father is released your mother will welcome him back and they will seek full reconciliation in love. :(


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